just yesterday you said 

that you dint want me to go

something in my head 

says today it is not so

what is this happening to me?

why cant i just let things be

its not that easy to change the way i am…

Trying to stop thinking in my head

Feels like the waves banging on a river bed

i cannot help the way i think about you

i dont want to expect things out of you

i dont want you to blame yourself for this

look behind and the culprit you wont miss..

i have to learn to accept the way you are

or it will destroy watever that got us this far

all this might be irrelevant but i just want you to know

i dont know why...but.....

i fell lost and alone....

HOLI

An occasion to rejoice…

Bring joy into our lives….

To keep aside from this day…

Troubles and sadness and all the bad things at bay….

Let go of everything that’s black & white…

different people and religions under one spotlight…..

so let our minds and hearts unite….

on a day when good defeated evil in the past….

let us welcome a change that will last…..

today tomorrow and forever….

let us begin with the festival of color!!!

 

HAPPY HOLI!!!!

MY INSPIRATION

Every time u look at me

I feel all shaken and jittery

Every time I see your face

Confidence builds in my pace

Every time u turn around

I find my feet a few inches off the ground

Eveytime  u  smile...It makes me fly

To stabilize it might take a while

But It’s the one feeling I cannot defy

Anything and everything  that u do

Has an effect on me

A change in mood for all to see

At times when things go wrong

Just the thought of you makes me strong

Ure the only person with whom I feel so compatible

Living life with my thoughts in a bubble

Very soon the bubble  will break

Inevitable is the pain in its wake

Only then I guess I will I realize

No answers left to all my "why's"

You are not real….just an infatuation

You are a figment of my imagination

You are only my minds creation…

You are….MY INSPIRATION!!!

THE CHANGE

What is this happening to me?

I am no longer able to clearly see

I used to be able to see through u

I used to be able to thoroughly read u

Now when I try to look

Emptiness is all I can hook

When I try to search through your eyes

A violent storm I see over the high-rise

With such fury it replies

The raging storm causes my boat to capsize

The icy coldness of your stare chills me to the bone

Makes me realize of how I really am…….alone

Everything is suddenly wrong between u and I

Feels like a bird with its wings cut off so it cannot fly

I used to think that u were all I would ever need

I never doubted once that we would not succeed

I see how WE have become now

Distant superficial and shallow somehow

U said I was the boon and u were the curse

I believe that in fact, it is the reverse

The ‘sparks’ between us no longer glowing

The everlasting love no longer flowing

What is this change u ask?

Behold the face behind my mask

Unbearable and untrue

Its ugliness you cannot undo.

Don’t blame yourself for what is done

Coz what you knew of me was only a fraction

U deceived yourself by calling me a boon

There is a darker side to this moon

Never too late it is I say

A better man u will find one day

Do not fret for what was not yours

God will open for you more doors

Open any one and it will spell happiness

As for me

Just let me be

Along with time the wounds will heal

I have always known……for me

Something’s in life are never meant to be

Believe it or not…

The only thing you will have to change….is me!!!

INVISBLE

The reflection of the setting sun

In the stillness of the pond

The peacefulness of the surroundings

A reminder of the ever elusive happiness and love

Sitting by the shore on a rock

I think of the past

And wat is lost

And i wonder what went wrong

I kept thinking all the while that love was my ally

Blinded by love

I couldn’t see I was living one big lie

Now all that remains is the reflection of the setting sun

In the stillness of the pond

Memories…a mixture of sorrows and joy

The joys remind me of dewdrops,

That disappears at the first rays of the morning light

Making it all seem like an illusion that was never right

The thoughts reminding me of the past

Similar to the dewdrops, an illusion it was

with every single thought the pain came soaring back

Like the devils’ spawn

from the depths of  hell it was sent back

ignored by people around me

taken for granted by people around me

never was I noticed by anyone before you

never will I be noticed by anyone after you

the path I have chosen since that time

To be isolated for the rest of my lifetime

For long since then, as time flew by,

The feeling of being estranged sank deep inside

So deep it had sunk that

I now feel alienated from the world outside

Neglected and alone

the feeling of loneliness now in my bones

who do I blame other than me

for what ive now become because of thee

Depressed and lost in my own world

I wander aimlessly awaiting for a path to unfold

The darkness seemed endless

With no way out of this nothingness

Realization then dawned upon me

That something’s in life are never meant to be

It was too late to turn back now

And undo the past somehow

With only the emptiness left inside to explore

I dint know who or what I was anymore

Looking into the stillness of the pond now I only see

My own reflection disappearing away from me

Day by day I blend into the eternal blue

Becoming Invisible to you....

...Invisible to the world....around you!!!

**

The day the clown cried

Today is the day the clown cried

Standing on a cliff so high 

The engulfing ocean below

In only a few moments death would become his ally 

The thought of taking his life on his mind 

One step closer to the end of his life 

Twenty three years of misery 

Finally about to end 

Couldn’t take it anymore 

Could no longer pretend 

He was a clown, a jester in the court of this world 

A ruthless and unforgiving place this world 

Throughout his life Laughter and insults at him were hurled 

As his closest friend, Loneliness unfurled 

No one to look up-to no one to care 

No one to talk to no one to share 

In this way he grew up as a child 

All feelings of love and emotion beguiled 

Glimpses flashed in front of his eyes

Like sparkles from fireflies

He remembered the days of those last few years 

Days of misery, deceit and lies 

For adults and children all alike

Houses, parties and on the roadside 

to make others laugh he had tried

using trumpets and balloons

cycles and horns....  jokes and jiggles

 juggling sharp knives 

even eating fire...like he had a fiery appetite

magical tricks and stunts with a yo-yo

Wherever he went he always put up a good show 

People loved him for what he was 

But no one knew who he really was

A smile on his face to cover his real self 

A mask behind which he hid himself

No matter what the situation 

The mood in his chamber was always grey

The celebrations outside kept at bay 

Outside, a symbol of happiness

Inside he was completely destroyed 

Deprived of the will to live 

A smile he was no longer able to give 

Only within darkness he had survived

Twenty three years of misery he survived

But no more he decided

Could he continue his life so gilded 

With nowhere to run, nowhere to hide

He finally sought to end his life. 

Standing on a cliff so high 

The engulfing ocean below 

His mind now filled with only thoughts of suicide

He looked behind one last time and said "Goodbye" 

He took a step forward away from the cliff so high

guided by the air, he began to fly

his final performance coming to an end

it was time to put a stop, no longer the need to pretend 

he closed his eyes and tears rolled out 

ringing in his ears, the sound of the final applause 

TODAY was the day....... the clown cried !!!!

:o)