land of the alters

2010-12-29T09:34:00.001-08:00

2009-03-12T02:04:00.000-07:00

just yesterday you said

that you dint want me to go

something in my head

says today it is not so

what is this happening to me?

why cant i just let things be

its not that easy to change the way i am…

Trying to stop thinking in my head

Feels like the waves banging on a river bed

i cannot help the way i think about you

i dont want to expect things out of you

i dont want you to blame yourself for this

look behind and the culprit you wont miss..

i have to learn to accept the way you are

or it will destroy watever that got us this far

all this might be irrelevant but i just want you to know

i dont know why...but.....

i fell lost and alone....

HOLI

2009-03-11T02:23:00.000-07:00

An occasion to rejoice…

Bring joy into our lives….

To keep aside from this day…

Troubles and sadness and all the bad things at bay….

Let go of everything that’s black & white…

different people and religions under one spotlight…..

so let our minds and hearts unite….

on a day when good defeated evil in the past….

let us welcome a change that will last…..

today tomorrow and forever….

let us begin with the festival of color!!!

HAPPY HOLI!!!!

MY INSPIRATION

2009-02-04T20:47:00.000-08:00

Every time u look at me

I feel all shaken and jittery

Every time I see your face

Confidence builds in my pace

Every time u turn around

I find my feet a few inches off the ground

Eveytime u smile...It makes me fly

To stabilize it might take a while

But It’s the one feeling I cannot defy

Anything and everything that u do

Has an effect on me

A change in mood for all to see

At times when things go wrong

Just the thought of you makes me strong

Ure the only person with whom I feel so compatible

Living life with my thoughts in a bubble

Very soon the bubble will break

Inevitable is the pain in its wake

Only then I guess I will I realize

No answers left to all my "why's"

You are not real….just an infatuation

You are a figment of my imagination

You are only my minds creation…

You are….MY INSPIRATION!!!

THE CHANGE

2008-12-20T12:12:00.001-08:00

What is this happening to me?

I am no longer able to clearly see

I used to be able to see through u

I used to be able to thoroughly read u

Now when I try to look

Emptiness is all I can hook

When I try to search through your eyes

A violent storm I see over the high-rise

With such fury it replies

The raging storm causes my boat to capsize

The icy coldness of your stare chills me to the bone

Makes me realize of how I really am…….alone

Everything is suddenly wrong between u and I

Feels like a bird with its wings cut off so it cannot fly

I used to think that u were all I would ever need

I never doubted once that we would not succeed

I see how WE have become now

Distant superficial and shallow somehow

U said I was the boon and u were the curse

I believe that in fact, it is the reverse

The ‘sparks’ between us no longer glowing

The everlasting love no longer flowing

What is this change u ask?

Behold the face behind my mask

Unbearable and untrue

Its ugliness you cannot undo.

Don’t blame yourself for what is done

Coz what you knew of me was only a fraction

U deceived yourself by calling me a boon

There is a darker side to this moon

Never too late it is I say

A better man u will find one day

Do not fret for what was not yours

God will open for you more doors

Open any one and it will spell happiness

As for me

Just let me be

Along with time the wounds will heal

I have always known……for me

Something’s in life are never meant to be

Believe it or not…

The only thing you will have to change….is me!!!

INVISBLE

2008-07-27T21:27:00.000-07:00

The reflection of the setting sun

In the stillness of the pond

The peacefulness of the surroundings

A reminder of the ever elusive happiness and love

Sitting by the shore on a rock

I think of the past

And wat is lost

And i wonder what went wrong

I kept thinking all the while that love was my ally

Blinded by love

I couldn’t see I was living one big lie

Now all that remains is the reflection of the setting sun

In the stillness of the pond

Memories…a mixture of sorrows and joy

The joys remind me of dewdrops,

That disappears at the first rays of the morning light

Making it all seem like an illusion that was never right

The thoughts reminding me of the past

Similar to the dewdrops, an illusion it was

with every single thought the pain came soaring back

Like the devils’ spawn

from the depths of hell it was sent back

ignored by people around me

taken for granted by people around me

never was I noticed by anyone before you

never will I be noticed by anyone after you

the path I have chosen since that time

To be isolated for the rest of my lifetime

For long since then, as time flew by,

The feeling of being estranged sank deep inside

So deep it had sunk that

I now feel alienated from the world outside

Neglected and alone

the feeling of loneliness now in my bones

who do I blame other than me

for what ive now become because of thee

Depressed and lost in my own world

I wander aimlessly awaiting for a path to unfold

The darkness seemed endless

With no way out of this nothingness

Realization then dawned upon me

That something’s in life are never meant to be

It was too late to turn back now

And undo the past somehow

With only the emptiness left inside to explore

I dint know who or what I was anymore

Looking into the stillness of the pond now I only see

My own reflection disappearing away from me

Day by day I blend into the eternal blue

Becoming Invisible to you....

...Invisible to the world....around you!!!

The day the clown cried

2008-06-19T17:26:00.000-07:00

Today is the day the clown cried

Standing on a cliff so high

The engulfing ocean below

In only a few moments death would become his ally

The thought of taking his life on his mind

One step closer to the end of his life

Twenty three years of misery

Finally about to end

Couldn’t take it anymore

Could no longer pretend

He was a clown, a jester in the court of this world

A ruthless and unforgiving place this world

Throughout his life Laughter and insults at him were hurled

As his closest friend, Loneliness unfurled

No one to look up-to no one to care

No one to talk to no one to share

In this way he grew up as a child

All feelings of love and emotion beguiled

Glimpses flashed in front of his eyes

Like sparkles from fireflies

He remembered the days of those last few years

Days of misery, deceit and lies

For adults and children all alike

Houses, parties and on the roadside

to make others laugh he had tried

using trumpets and balloons

cycles and horns.... jokes and jiggles

juggling sharp knives

even eating fire...like he had a fiery appetite

magical tricks and stunts with a yo-yo

Wherever he went he always put up a good show

People loved him for what he was

But no one knew who he really was

A smile on his face to cover his real self

A mask behind which he hid himself

No matter what the situation

The mood in his chamber was always grey

The celebrations outside kept at bay

Outside, a symbol of happiness

Inside he was completely destroyed

Deprived of the will to live

A smile he was no longer able to give

Only within darkness he had survived

Twenty three years of misery he survived

But no more he decided

Could he continue his life so gilded

With nowhere to run, nowhere to hide

He finally sought to end his life.

Standing on a cliff so high

The engulfing ocean below

His mind now filled with only thoughts of suicide

He looked behind one last time and said "Goodbye"

He took a step forward away from the cliff so high

guided by the air, he began to fly

his final performance coming to an end

it was time to put a stop, no longer the need to pretend

he closed his eyes and tears rolled out

ringing in his ears, the sound of the final applause

TODAY was the day....... the clown cried !!!!

:o)

QUOTE

2008-05-28T13:06:00.001-07:00

"....If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character...Would you slow down? Or speed up?...."

a poem about dreams

2008-05-28T12:49:00.000-07:00

Heres a lil poem i wrote about dreams:

Dreams are as real as they seem

But only from the minds eye they can be seen

Dreams as such are without cause...

Supposedly a replay of something that was...

Dreams that make you fly

Dreams that make you cry

Dreams of cars

Dreams of wars

Dreams of anything from bars to bazaars

Dreams that make a poor man rich

Dreams where a rich man sees his money go down a ditch

Dreams that make you twitch and itch

Dreams of being magical like a wizard or a witch

Dreams that make an old man feel young

Dreams of being somewhere where you don’t belong

Dreams that are right and dreams that are wrong

Dreams of poetry and melodious songs

Dreams of the endless skies that make u feel so free

Dreams about the depths of hell where you wouldn’t want to be

Dreams that make u feel down and depressed

Dreams that bring out memories that have been repressed

Dreams that fill your heart with joy and glee

Dreams that make you jump out and scream

Dreams that let the dumb talk

Dreams that let the lame walk

Dreams that even let the blind see

A world of wonder that is beyond reach

Dreams of torture and pain and all illness that can befall

Dreams of being locked behind a stonewall

Dreams of unrequited love...fulfilled

Dreams where you might end up getting killed

Dreams that bring the dead back to life

Dreams of dark forests and wildlife

Dreams that make u win and succeed

Dreams that show u failure and what you might yield

Dreams are big...dreams are small

Dreams are like taking a big fall

Into the emptiness of a black hole

That has unknown control over your very soul

So many of these so called dreams

But what dreams are really made of...

Will remain a mystery it seems!!

:o)

DREAMS

2008-05-28T12:46:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered wat dreams are?.....well i have....and i am still perplexed at the complexity of dreams....what are dreams made of...well the dictionary definition of dreams is this: “Dreams are the images, thoughts and feelings experienced while asleep, particularly strongly associated with rapid eye movement sleep. The contents and biological purposes of dreams are not fully understood, though they have been a topic of speculation and interest throughout recorded history.”

Come to think of it......do animals dream as we people do?... one research that was done in a renowned university in America concluded after experimenting on a rat...that they do dream....and they were also able to determine a certain pattern of the neurons that were later interpreted as what kind of dream it was....sumthing about it running round in circles in a maze.... (not sure exactly)....but...y does a rat dream?...the team answered by saying.. ”probably to re-live and learn from experience”......Is this why people dream?.....then why are there times when we don’t remember what we dreamed?...is it because we failed to do wat we dreamed?....sometimes from the dreams we remember...we can recall a few things that never happened.....then what does “reliving and learning from the experience” mean here........

Sigmund Freud called dreams the "royal road to the unconscious". By this, he meant that dreams illustrate the "logic" of the unconscious mind.....Freud till this very day is considered the greatest psychoanalysts who ever lived....however...over time Freud abandoned his theory about the unconscious and replaced it with the concept of Ego.....

We normally see and read about people being haunted by dreams....i take bruce wayne a.k.a. BATMAN as an example (i just HAD to mention this)....every night he dreamt of the night his parents got shot...and this tortured him soo bad that he decided he would stand up against such crimes and make sure such a thing never happens ever again.....

People dream of many things.....it is said that one needs to dream to succeed....(this doesn’t mean that we need to sleep)...... great people are known to have dreams...like Mahathma Gandhi.....Hitler...Henry Ford....Nelson Mandela....Abraham Lincoln.....Isaac Newton....Albert Einstein....to name a few of the gazillion of great people....[including me of course]...they had a dream....to achieve something...this was a goal...so lets not mistake it with the dream we are talking of.... :O)

Its kinda wierd don’t you think... that you fall asleep....and ure mind subconsciously takes control of your body......Why does this happen?....Why do we have a particular dream at any given time?....Why don’t we remember all of our dreams....there are times when we wake up and think....”I just slept....what happened to the night??”....ever wondered wat actually happens??..... one of the most normal things that happens to every person....and we have no scientific explanation in this modern age.....state of the art equipment.....tools...cameras....but not one can show us our dreams...... none to tell us why...how...where and when...

For you...MY LOVE.... @-'--,--

2008-05-26T04:43:00.000-07:00

All my life ive been alone

thriving in the lonliness of my mind

emptiness of my soul.

living in darness completely out of sight.

no one to talk to no one i could say was mine.

Until along came this beautiful angel

innocent and pure with a heart of gold

under a cover she always wore

to make ppl believe i knw not y

i fell in love with this angel at first sight

to talk to her i went with courage and might

and confessed my love to this beauty

and she said YES and i felt free

from the lonliness that had engulfed me.

like a rose among thorns she grew in my heart

thinking the same with her when i was not.

Then she dissapeared leaving me alone

into the darkness i fell, the never ending blackhole

Years have passed since tht time

thinking of it reminds me of a mime

better left unspoken in the dark of my mind.

buried in my heart she became my past

the hurt from which i couldnt recover very fast

slowly i healed from a cut so deep

sumtimes it used to haunt me in my sleep

Then i saw u after all this while

looking more beautiful than when i remember

i wanted to be away from u by more than a mile

coz i was afraid the feeling would revive.

months from then now i think

how time passes by in just a blink

but in this time weve grown so close

like nothing was there inbetween to oppose

all that time i was trying to keep

my distance from you so as to speak

until u asked me if i still loved u

and it was then that i unfolded before u

once u love u have loved i said

you can remove from ure mind but never from ure heart i said

i remember u telling me that love was a waste of time

and to that feeling u still did not sublime

u had dug my deepest grave and unleashed in me

the love i had for u that had grown within

everything u said everything u did

was an act of friendship i made myself believe

so wen u confessed on december twenty six

a conflict arose inside me and i was in a fix

i dint know wat i was to do

coz i was not in a state to judge ure love true

i hurt u then by laughing on ure face

must have felt like the blow of a mace

over the battle inside me

i led my heart to victory

i was told wat i was doing was wrong

if it was i wouldnt be writing this song

3months have gone since we have become one

3months time..surely wasnt a short one

it feels like we were meant to be

for ever and ever as i can see

only to tell u this i write this song

im sorry but its become very long

im not a poet to make this sound like a song

but all i tried is to express wat i felt all along.

in our picture tht i often see

taken in mocha of u and me

reminds me of a fairy tale i so often speak

im sure u knw its called beauty and the beast

u the beauty and me the ugly beast.

the hapiness u see shows in the glow

wish i could relive it all and tht too slow

finally i think i will end this song

by telling u the only thing in my heart all along

u lite up my day...u lite up my life...

and without u there would be no sunshine...

only the darkness will remain in this life of mine...

i think ofu...i dream of u

i dream of going away with u

only to wake up and realize where i am..

all those nights i dint let u sleep

and u said it was u who dint let me sleep

i do lose my sleep but thts the best part

coz spendin time listenin to u hapiness fills my heart

im sure u can see the effect u are having on me

mad and crazy and insane about thee.

all the times i hurt you i want u to know

i hurt myself even more for doing so

ure the love of my life that i have found

and i want this to go on forever and beyond

only one thing is left to say to u

sumthing that u share with me too

u completely fill my heart and my soul

and ure more beautiful than ud ever know

even if i die i would say to the devil

that I LOVE YOU...always have and always will

FINALLY.....BAAK!!!!.........after a looooooong wait.!!!!

2008-05-26T04:37:00.000-07:00

Finally....after a long long wait....The GR8 ONE has come back to the caricatures playground....his very own blog.!!! :o)

where was I? what was I upto?..blah blah blah.....will be coming soon....

im going to re-start blogging...by posting a lil poem...a very special one....

....its called "for you - my love" written by urs truly...ME!!!!

(im good aint I)

:o)

UNTITLED

2007-09-14T13:34:00.001-07:00

Engulfed in a feeling of loneliness u thrive...
confined in a box....u think u can survive...
u need to see the world with a mind restless and free....
Instead of thinking that something’s are never meant to be...
waiting for a ray of hope u say...
a light in the darkness to show u the way...
But what if it is already there..
.Not visible to u...and will soon disappear...
Only because u know not what u are looking for....
Blinded by the darkness u tend to ignore...
open ure eyes and try to seethe good things that are around u...
un-noticed by thee....

lost amidst the most terrifying storm....
u lose hope in trying to find the safest shore..
it all relates to finding those doors
that they say "one opens when u see one close"..
look around to find the one open
rather than cry over the one that closed..
Nothing is forever...not happiness not sadness lasts forever......
Only a matter of time determines the ups and downs..
So hang on tight because LIFE is a bumpy ride.
Never lose hope no matter wat they say...
Ultimatey you WILL find the way...
The road to happiness it is said...
Starts inside ones own head....
The day you believe that this is true...
Loneliness will no longer be a part of you.

THIRTEEEN

2007-07-10T13:20:00.000-07:00

its thursday the 12th....almost midnite....driving fast....as fast as i can....to get home. HOME!!!...the safest place...heaven on earth....where no EVIL can even THINK of touchin u....but...will i make it...???i glance at my watch.....and think...SHIT!!!....there are 13minutes left....and im 13 miles away....the speedometer shows im going 140...mite just make it in time.....tick-tock tick-tock...GONG....GONG...its midnite...the day is now FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH......the most unluckiest of them all....and the next thing....i see a figure on the road....try to swerve away....the rear tyre slips....SUDDENLY I LOOSE CONTROL.......the barrier....to the left...try to avoid it....frantically turnin my steering.....to regain balance....ironically, the ABS doesnt seem to even exist.....and the figure now distinctly clear is a branch from a tree....but its too late...ive lost control....its over...and AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!CRASSSHHHH!!!!.......6months since the accident...lost both my legs...and broke my spine.....and who is to blame?....me?...the piece of wood on the road....NO...its FRIDAY THE 13TH!!!!!! HAAAAAAAAALLLLPPPPP!!!!!!!!

do u beieve in superstitions...though 80% of the world "CLAIMS" they dont....everyone does...
FRIDAY THE 13th....we believe it is superstitious...UNLUCKY to quote......that the worst will happen on this day...the number is particular being ommited from existance.....floors in buildings...hotels....12th..then 14th...parking spaces...12...12A...14....
Formula1...the fastest of the cars...the most latest in race technology.....where nuthin is impossible.....matter of fact....the last 30yrs...there HAS NOT been a car number 13....(14 also was emitted so that we wont end up with odd numbers).....and the best part....90% dont even knw Y!!!!???
13 wasnt always an unlucky number...pagan beliefs....christian history....beliefs....all made it so.... coincidence or not...we do not knw...may never knw.....sooo many beliefs....all coz of a NUMBER???.....satan (lucifer) was believed to be the 13th archangel of god....banished from the heavens to HELL....LOKI....(THOR's arch enemy)....the god of evil according to the VIKINGS and the norse pantheon.....was the 13th GOD.....it is believed...JUDAS...in the last supper....was the 13th man on the table.....(judas betrays jesus).....the knights templar were
condemned by the King of france (Phillipe IV) on friday, october 13th 1307....wierd huh?
history in the making....
but sumhow....coincidentialy, this number...or the sum kept repeating through out major events in time.....King aurthur + 12 knights of the round table......christ+12 disciples.......the 12 major constellations of the stars we see in the sky + the sun (also a star btw).....52 weeks a yr...(multiple of 13)....according to the ancient aztecs, a century was based on units equivalent to 52 yrs(multiple of 13 again).....the aztecs also believed that apocalypse would come upon them every 52yrs and on a particular date....they would ritually demolish and destroy their civilization every 52 yrs and start building over again......in the tarot cards...the 13th tarot card which shows a skeleton knight signifies DEATH....
13 is as real and part of our lives than we realize...Thirteen is the number of hearts in a pack of cards.....Rugby League is played with teams of 13 players.......
Triskaidekaphobia is a fear of the number 13. PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY SCAAARED OF A NUMBER.........and a specific fear of Friday the 13th is called paraskavedekatriaphobia or friggatriskaidekaphobia.....crazy...wierd....watever u may call it....such is the significance of a NUMBER.....a number....the whole number system created by us humans.....and now...we are petrified of our own creation.....
wat it is...why it is.....how it is.....will all unfold....on FRIDAY THE 13TH.!!!....BEWARE OF EVILS WRATH!!!!!........MUHUHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
seriously.....think bout it....!!!! ;o)

THE DARKNESS REMAINS

2007-07-07T12:41:00.000-07:00

If I touch a burning candle I can feel no pain..
In the ice or in the sun it's all the same,
ive become cold hearted and hollow..
souless and shallow..
yet, Over the dark veil of shadows i watch..
with a sense of hope, i wait and watch..
only to realize..all this is in vain..
nuthin can take away the numbness inflicted by the pain..
dissapointed and distraught..
i lay there senseless and without thought..
in the deepest of dungeons bounded by chains
around me..Darkness is all that remains.!!!!!!!

IT STARTS........

2007-07-07T12:38:00.000-07:00

Finally, the GR8 ONE has made a blog of his own..and now that this is done..i thought maybe i should start with ze YEENTHRODUCSHUN...
somebody told me that a blog is like an online diary...where u write wat u wanna write...and its URE space for the world to see...i thought..and thought and thought...and nuthin hapened...i keep thinkin of all kindsa stuff...and most of the ppl who knw me...thinktht mesa is a "lost in his own world" kinda guy.....and also wierd..so...y not let ppl knw bout wat all i think so they can also think bout wat i think and then thinkwhether to think or not to think about wat i think.....so..basically...its a thinking story...thoughts are d one place where any person can do wat they wanna do....at least THINK they can do wat they wanna do....and not actually do it...
anyways....caricatures playground....like a paper that can be scribbled upon...and most of it sense....NON-sense that is.... :o)
The land of the alters...signifying the place where all my alters meet each otheralters....as in alter egos...im sure will sound more familiar with MPD...multiple personality disorder..now scientifically named as DPD...dissociative personality disorder...frm adi to the JESTER.....from being utterly same one minute to the defintion of INSANE the next..sumthin like....from bruce wayne to BATMAN....I LOU ZE BATT!!!!the dark knight....who strikes FEAR into the hearts of his enemies....the words greatest detective ....well...sherlock holmes did solve the mystery of the hound of the baskervilles....but tht doesnt make him the greatest does it?so...the list goes on and on ...and on..and for a good cause..this is where i shall pause....UNTIL NEXT TIME...stay tuned....same time...same channel...next week...
{B.A.T.M.A.N theme}(the old 60 "SOCK" "POW" thingy...)
END??....ITS JUST THE BEGINING.!!!!!!AAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA